Late arrival

July 29th: Oadby Town v Leicester City XI

This game is so near to where I live, I've got time to go home from work and change there, and perhaps even grab something to eat. After doing those things, it's back out the door.

My plan is to get the 88 into the city centre, then the 31A into Oadby, which drops me round the corner from the, er, stadium. The first bus stinks of piss. Disgusting. The second bus is full of people. I'm one of those people who assumes everyone else to be a complete moron, and most of the time this assumption is quite correct. I walk to the very back, where the only available seats are, and as I do I knock a woman's paper. Despite her annoyed look, it's not my fault, she shouldn't be sticking out so far into the aisle. Two stops later, it happens to her again. How did she not learn the first time? At every single stop on the way to Oadby, someone really slow or stupid or old or all three gets on, taking as long as possible to complete one of the simplest transactions known to man. And of course at each of these stops, some other slow / stupid / old fuckers alight, which only serves to double the time I spend fantasising about smacking them in the face. I notice that the idiot woman is reading the Leicester Mercury job section. Therein, I spot a headline: "There's still jobs, despite slump". Presumably this should have read "I still have a job, despite my inability to assemble a remotely grammatically correct sentence".

I eventually arrive at Greene King Park (I know, I know) about six minutes before kick-off. I'm informed that entrance is £5, and a programme is £1.50. Programmes are pointless, so as I fish a ten pound note out of my wallet, I clearly mention that a programme is not required. Nonetheless, I am presented with a programme and £3.50 change. I'm all for non-league clubs making money, but sometimes wish they wouldn't take the piss.

The rain that started sometime in the last century is still going. It's not as if I can get any wetter, so I go and stand near the dugouts - no cover. Within a minute of the game starting, Robbie Burns puts City in front. A very long time later, the goalscorer is announced. At more or less exactly the same time, City score a second through Craig King. City's third comes when DJ Campbell slots home after a goalkeeper error, and a fourth is bagged by King before the half is over. I feel like I'm in a cold shower.

I wander up to the clubhouse and inside I find a table labelled 'Club Shop'. Behind this table is a very young girl, so I ask her if she's in charge. She is, she assures me, while her older sister is at the burger van, but after a quick look at the miscellaneous shit on the table I make the decision not to do business with a toddler.

Hungry, I decide a hot dog is in order. What a decision that is, the freshly-cooked sausages are superb. A relative bargain at two quid as well. Here I also meet the manager of the club shop, 10-year-old Chloe. I tell her that her deputy is doing a stellar job looking after all the tat that's on sale. Perhaps omitting the word 'tat'. But it is tat.

The second half begins, and City hit the woodwork three times in the first eight minutes. I'm starting to think that I really am affecting teams' ability to score five goals. That concern (that I just made up) disappears when City do finally get a fifth, and ten minutes from the end another is added. Throughout the second half, the rain has been getting steadily heavier. I'm pretty sure everything I'm wearing is now sopping wet.

Luckily, my sister lives only a couple of minutes' walk from here, so I take a short walk up there and dry off a bit before getting myself a lift home. One more game to go before the season starts...

Oadby Town 0 Leicester City XI 6
Admission: £5
Programme*: £1.50
Bus to Oadby: £2.10
Total: £8.60

*Even though I wouldn't normally count a programme in the cost of going to football, I have on this occasion simply because I was sold it despite not wanting it. In other words: this expense was forced upon me, therefore it counts.